I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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