I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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