I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize