oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
