just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
