3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
