its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
