Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Randomize
