is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
