I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
sex in a hospital.. check
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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