she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
