and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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