Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
