Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
We have so much sex to catch up on
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I believe in your delicious
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
