I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
