i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
