i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
