toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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