everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
