My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
