i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
