Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
