We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
