I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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