I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
