Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
