just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
