i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
