So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
