I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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