Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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