Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
