Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
