dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
