just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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