Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
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