Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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