BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
