Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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