so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
