You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
