U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
