she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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