Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
