Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
