i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
