I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
