it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
