ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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