omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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