Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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