it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
