I'm sorry my penis didn't work
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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