So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
