my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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