After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I need mimosas to revive my soul
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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